You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
soo... how was my night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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