Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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