She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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