i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
