I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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