The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He felt like a one man threesome
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
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Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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