So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
