Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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