I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
