return my video game
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
