I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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