forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
