this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
