i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
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Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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