So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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