That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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