dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
