You smell like a Billy Joel song
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Text me some of your sweat
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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