theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Come on in and take your pants off
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