I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She bit a glass in half.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
