I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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