ugly people sure do ruin things
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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