I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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