Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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