what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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