Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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