watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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