sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
