Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
