Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
