I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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