Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
