WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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