I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
