I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
