belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
