If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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