I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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