3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
