I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
