i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
