Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
