If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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