I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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