You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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