life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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