And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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