I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I came so hard my ears popped.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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