you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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