I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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