you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
