last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
