Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
