Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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