Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
