Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
