Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
