If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
