omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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