your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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