I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
