I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
