i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
