she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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