You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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