Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
