theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
