Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
