A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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