Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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