we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
