Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize