There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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