Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
