I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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