can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
