Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
