Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
