Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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