Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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